Well, it's been a year since I was diagnosed with breast cancer. In a way, the time has gone by quickly and I can't believe a year has gone by. In another way, last October seems like a lifetime ago. I think back to everything that happened in the last 12 months and I am amazed that it happened to my family. I couldn't have gotten through it without the love and support of my family and friends. Especially my chemo buddies. It must be hard to sit in the chemo room and watch your friend be poisoned. But, I had several gals that did just that. Some of my favorite memories of this last year are of playing scrabble with Joanne in the chemo room. Thank God for friends like her and for scrabble!
So, now is a time for me to look ahead. Life without cancer. I never thought I would use the word cancer when talking about my own life. I was always afraid of cancer, but not so much anymore. It sucks, don't get me wrong, and I hope like hell that I am never effected by cancer again, but I no longer fear it. I think I fear chemo more than cancer! Anyway, now is definitely a time for change. Maybe that is why I feel so strongly for the Obama campaign. Maybe it is because I am so ready for change in my own life. I need to do something different. I know I won't be happy returning to the same life I had before. I have rarely felt that I have made a difference and now I want that so badly. To make a difference. To be remembered for something. To leave my mark on this Earth. I am feeling so restless these days because I haven't felt like I have found exactly what I am supposed to be doing. I guess I have a lot of searching to do.
In the meantime, I am so grateful and happy to have this last year behind me. Today almost seems like the first day of the rest of my life. I still have follow up stuff and I am still in the chemo room every 3 weeks, but the shit is behind me. I am moving forward, trying to lead a normal life while trying to make a difference, and through it all trying not to forget where I have been. The road has been long, but the journey is truly just beginning.
"Cancer no longer consumes my life, my thoughts, or my behavior, but the changes it wrought are there in me, unalterable." ~ Lance Armstrong
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