Time flies, even when you are sick

Well, my baby has turned 2. I can't believe it. I have been through a lifetime of crap within the last 8 months, but it still feels like I just had her. I just thank God for her every day. No matter how shitty life gets, she can still put a smile on my face. I am in awe of her beauty, her innocence and her ability to light up the room just by her presence. People are always telling me how strong I am. What they don't know is that my girls are the ones lifting me up every day. They are my strength. I often write how they are driving me crazy and how difficult they can be (and they are!), but I couldn't get through life these days without them. Cancer has allowed me to appreciate the small things in life and to not take my family for granted. It is a kind of stop and smell the roses thing (and if you have ever walked with Sherri, you have stopped to smell the roses!). Anyway, this post is for Carina. Happy Birthday, Baby! Mommy loves you.

Raising children is harder than beating cancer...

I love my kids more than anything, but there are days I want to just slip away. Remember those Calgon commercials? I think I should do rum commercials! "Rum and coke, take me away!" Of course, it is easy to say that considering I drink maybe twice a year. I guess my question to all of you bloggers is, how do you make them listen? If I didn't know better, my guess would be that they can't hear. Anyway, they are in bed and that rum and diet coke is really sounding good right now!

Radiation is going well. I have had my 10th treatment, so for all of you math flunkies, I only have 23 to go! It may sound like a lot to the average joe, but for we radiation junkies it isn't that much. My skin still looks great and my implant isn't in my shoulder, so all and all things are going fantastic. In fact, I am becoming quite bored. I am finally feeling good, I am not working, and it is too damn hot to walk up here in North County. So, I am up for lunch dates that keep me out of Target!

I am attending my first young survivors meeting tomorrow night. I am looking forward to it. It will be nice to meet new friends that have been there. I tend to write with humor and even joke about everything when I see people, but the truth is this sucks. I get busy in my life and sometimes forget about cancer, but then I have those moments of truth. Will I be here to watch my girls grow up? Watch them graduate, get married, meet my grandkids? I know I have my Dream Team of doctors and I have been and will continue to fight like hell, but those thought cross my mind. Most of the time, I have those thoughts on the radiation table. It pretty much throws reality in your face. Thank God those treatments are only about 6 minutes! Anyway, I just know when I go to that meeting, even if those moments of truths aren't discussed, I will know that everyone in that room has had them. I guess in a way that makes us all sisters.

Radiation has started!

I have started radiation and so far it is a walk in the park compared to chemo. I have had 7 treatments so far, so that means I only have 26 to go! The whole process only takes 6-7 minutes, so it isn't that big of a deal. So far I haven't experienced any side effects. I do occassionally have the sensation of getting a sunburn on my breast, but then that sensation goes away. It is probably all psychological! At times, I truly feel like I am losing my mind!

I have also started (slowly) to train for the 3-day walk. I started out with a vengeance, but then my heals hurt and I felt really tired, really fast. So, I slowed it down a little. I am sure once I am used to it, the training will be ok. I am still really looking forward to the walk. How many times have I used the word really so far. Must be my word of the night! Anyway, regarding the walk, please donate money!! I have a lot more to raise and I can really use your help! Check out www.the3day.org. Search my name or the team name "Hags and Heroes". You have no idea how appropriate that name is. We are all a bunch of hags deep down, but everyone on the team is also a hero. Not just in fighting cancer, but bringing new lives into the world while sometimes saving lives at the same time, leaving asshole husbands and starting life over with a smile, being a single parent of children that don't appreciate it (or of children that do!), etc. We all shine. Which is why I love my teammates so much!

And so it goes...

I am finally starting radiation! My first treatment is on Tuesday, 5/6. I am not really nervous, just curious. I have been tatooed and they have had me lay on the machine, so I have an idea as to what is going to happen. The funny part of that visit is the list of instructions they gave me. They started out by telling me that I shouldn't wear deodorant, unless I use one without aluminum. So, at this point I am ok with it. They proceeded to tell me that I can't shave my armpits with a razor and they prefer that I go all natural! Well, I don't know about you, but I am not going to have hairy armpits and use deodorant that probably won't work! The next instruction was that I shouldn't wear a bra for the 6 weeks of treatment! They say it can irritate the skin in the fold of the breast. I don't know if you guys have seen my new beautiful breast, but it stands up straight so there isn't much of a fold! Not to mention, if I don't wear a bra, I have the bionic boob that stands at attention and then I have my deflated balloon on the left side that comes down to my belly! Oh, and I have to keep the area covered as well! Keep in mind that I live in Paso and summer is coming! I am usually a really good patient, but I have decided that I will use an electric razor, Tom's of Maine deodorant, and wear a shelf tank! All in all, I will do what I need to do to get well and I just can't wait to get this going so it can come to an end!