Life just moves forward

I am officially back to work. I am only working 4 days a week per doctor's orders, which I am thankful for. By Friday of each week, I am wishing it was only 3 days a week. It is great to be back and to catch up with all of my co-workers. I don't think I realized how much I missed everyone until I saw them again! With each day, it gets easier to be there, so I am hoping by the first of the year I will back in the flow of things. They all say I used to run the place, but right now I feel like a big bump on a log!
Today I went and met with a physical therapist regarding this lymphedema stuff. I will start actual therapy on Monday morning, so I am hoping the swelling will decrease and my hand will stop hurting. I will have to wear a sleeve and glove when I do things like exercise or fly or anything that gets my blood pumping! I won't actaully write what I am thinking right now! Anyway, I am looking forward to therapy because I think I will benefit so much from it.
The most crazy thing I did this week was sign up to be a Girls Scout leader. I took Carra to the Daisy Scout Teddy Bear Tea and I just couldn't help myself. I had to sign up. It will be a lot of work, but it will be a blast. I am actually co-leading with a gal I met at the tea. She seems really nice and I think we will get along great. So, I will be hitting all of you up this Spring for cookies! Start saving your money, because I expect you to buy a lot!
I am still trying to train for the breast cancer 3 day. The walk is in about 5 weeks and I am not ready! I got so burned out on the walking thing. Not to mention, when I walk my arm swells! But, NO EXCUSES! I should be walking! I am really looking forward to being there, especially with my team. I just love all of my Hags and I know we are going to have a great time. I need to start focusing on what to pack.
As far as the rest of me goes, well, I am about the same. I am so happy with my family and quite frankly happy to just be alive, but I am also really conflicted on the inside. I know my life's purpose is supposed to be something else, but I don't know what that is. For those of you who know me well, it may surprise you to hear that I just don't want to be around a lot of people anymore. I have worked in the service field my whole life and now I just want to be home. But, I also want to be paid, so I am kinda screwed there! I am hoping to figure out exactly what I want to be doing sometime soon. Until then, I just take one day at a time and hope for the best. Maybe I should write that book I have always talked about. Cheers!

It's Been A Year

Well, it's been a year since I was diagnosed with breast cancer. In a way, the time has gone by quickly and I can't believe a year has gone by. In another way, last October seems like a lifetime ago. I think back to everything that happened in the last 12 months and I am amazed that it happened to my family. I couldn't have gotten through it without the love and support of my family and friends. Especially my chemo buddies. It must be hard to sit in the chemo room and watch your friend be poisoned. But, I had several gals that did just that. Some of my favorite memories of this last year are of playing scrabble with Joanne in the chemo room. Thank God for friends like her and for scrabble!

So, now is a time for me to look ahead. Life without cancer. I never thought I would use the word cancer when talking about my own life. I was always afraid of cancer, but not so much anymore. It sucks, don't get me wrong, and I hope like hell that I am never effected by cancer again, but I no longer fear it. I think I fear chemo more than cancer! Anyway, now is definitely a time for change. Maybe that is why I feel so strongly for the Obama campaign. Maybe it is because I am so ready for change in my own life. I need to do something different. I know I won't be happy returning to the same life I had before. I have rarely felt that I have made a difference and now I want that so badly. To make a difference. To be remembered for something. To leave my mark on this Earth. I am feeling so restless these days because I haven't felt like I have found exactly what I am supposed to be doing. I guess I have a lot of searching to do.

In the meantime, I am so grateful and happy to have this last year behind me. Today almost seems like the first day of the rest of my life. I still have follow up stuff and I am still in the chemo room every 3 weeks, but the shit is behind me. I am moving forward, trying to lead a normal life while trying to make a difference, and through it all trying not to forget where I have been. The road has been long, but the journey is truly just beginning.