I am officially done with treatment!!! I finished my herceptin treatments on Friday. I was so excited to be done, but leaving the chemo room was a lot harder than I anticipated. I have spent a great deal of time in that room, some good days, some bad days. But, those gals got me through it. They saw me sick, bald, crabby, happy, teary, sleepy, silly. No matter what, they didn't judge. They encouraged me, supported me, left me alone, shared personal stories, listened to mine. They always seemed to know what I needed. It was hard to leave there. I will miss seeing them every 3 weeks. I guess now is the time to work on my mental health. I feel like I have been teetering on the edge in recent weeks. I don't know if it is the lack of hormones or if it is me trying to process this whole experience. I don't think I had time to process it before. I found a lump, went for follow up, was diagnosed, scheduled surgery, started chemo, started radiation, continued with herceptin and was thrown into menopause. Start to finish: 14 months. How in the hell can a person process it? I have started back to work full-time, started a Girl Scout troop, kept the girls involved in every activity, tried to make school functions, not to mention just the day to day crap of keeping the house and family going. Life seems so normal from the outside. Everyone looking in sees me as back to "normal". What is normal? I am far from it. I am a jumble of emotions: happy, scared, indifferent, pissed, grateful, ungrateful. You name it, I probably feel it. It's like a natural disaster has hit my body, my life. Everyone saw the destruction with my mastectomy, my baldness, me being so sick with treatment. Now, my hair has grown back, you can't tell I am missing a breast (unless you really check me out!), I feel good. Everyone thinks I am back to normal. The problem is the destruction is still left inside. I haven't been rebuilt on the inside. I guess now is the time for my mental health. Maybe time for a few tears (haven't really shed them). But, it is also a time for celebration. I am still here to be with my husband, my children, my family. I may need a therapist in the near future, but at least I am still on this planet to hire one!