My scan is clear! It is perfect!! I cannot be more excited. It took a little while for it to sink in. I had a horrible weekend because I had convinced myself that they were going to find cancer throughout my body. Laying in the tube during the scan can really play negative games on your psyche. I started having all of the same thoughts I had when I was first diagnosed. I was so worried about the girls and how they would be growing up without a mom. It was a terrible place to be in. Negative energy sucks. I tried to read the face of the tech when she was sending me on my way and I swear she was avoiding my eyes! Of course, that is just me being neurotic! So, the next step is a mammogram and a MRI next month.
So, life as normal. What in the hell is normal? My normal is completely different than it was a year ago. I think about priorities and perspective. They are completely different as well. My priorities are the same, but have been shuffled around a bit. My perspective, well, you would think that I would have this new outlook on life and have it all figured out. Not true. My perspective is probably a little more out of whack and skewed than it has ever been. It is still hard to wrap my head around that fact that I had cancer. I had to give up a year out of my life, the lives of my girls, to fight something that I shouldn't have had in the first place. So, how's this for perspective. I don't sweat the small stuff. If I have something on my mind, I will tell you. I don't take any day for granted. If I need a nap, I take one. I steal extra kisses from the girls (especially on the neck!). I touch my husband more, even if it's on the shoulder in a room full of people. But, when I think about cancer it changes. Cancer isn't fair. Why does it happen? Why don't we have a cure? I guess I am still angry. Maybe more than I was in the beginning. I also don't think our country takes care of the sick. Yes, I have insurance. I am one of the lucky ones. I still have medical bills that I never thought I would see in a lifetime. What about those without insurance? Do they lose their homes? Do they not seek the care they need? So, yes, I am different. I am more political, more outspoken (if you can believe that), and more willing to try to make a difference.
On that note, I only have one more thing to say. Go Obama! I jumped on the train of change a long time ago. It's about time someone as even given us the possibility of hope.
So, life as normal. What in the hell is normal? My normal is completely different than it was a year ago. I think about priorities and perspective. They are completely different as well. My priorities are the same, but have been shuffled around a bit. My perspective, well, you would think that I would have this new outlook on life and have it all figured out. Not true. My perspective is probably a little more out of whack and skewed than it has ever been. It is still hard to wrap my head around that fact that I had cancer. I had to give up a year out of my life, the lives of my girls, to fight something that I shouldn't have had in the first place. So, how's this for perspective. I don't sweat the small stuff. If I have something on my mind, I will tell you. I don't take any day for granted. If I need a nap, I take one. I steal extra kisses from the girls (especially on the neck!). I touch my husband more, even if it's on the shoulder in a room full of people. But, when I think about cancer it changes. Cancer isn't fair. Why does it happen? Why don't we have a cure? I guess I am still angry. Maybe more than I was in the beginning. I also don't think our country takes care of the sick. Yes, I have insurance. I am one of the lucky ones. I still have medical bills that I never thought I would see in a lifetime. What about those without insurance? Do they lose their homes? Do they not seek the care they need? So, yes, I am different. I am more political, more outspoken (if you can believe that), and more willing to try to make a difference.
On that note, I only have one more thing to say. Go Obama! I jumped on the train of change a long time ago. It's about time someone as even given us the possibility of hope.
1 comment:
Amen Sister, hope is a beautiful thing! I'm so proud of you! Your grace throughout the entire year has been amazing and inspiring.
Can't wait to spend some time with you this weekend :)
hugs and kisses to you and your fam.
Kris
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