Holidays, Birthday, Hair

We had a big weekend. Of course we had the holiday, but the biggest part of the weekend was Carra celebrated her 5th birthday! She was really fortunate to have all of her friends show up and to have so much family make the trip. Let me tell you, there is nothing like 7 screaming girls in a bounce house!! I can't believe she is 5 already, although at times she seems so much older. She watched me cut my hair off tonight. She had a hard time with it and she cried a little. Of course, watching Jill cut my hair with tears rolling down her cheeks was not helping!! I was trying to not show much emotion because I didn't want to freak her out. But, it was really emotional. I had a few tears (or was that hair in my eyes?!?), but I held it together. It all started when I lost a lot of hair today when I took my shower. It was unbelievable how it just came out in handfuls. My scalp is actually sore. It feels like my hair has been in a really tight pony tail and I finally let it down. I wasn't expecting that at all. I was going to shave my head, but I still have a lot of it! Go figure. For those of you that know my hair, I am sure this doesn't surprise you! So, I decided to just cut it really short. I don't remember when I had hair this short and I really like it. I think I will have Rick and the kids shave it when it gets worse. I have another treatment this Thursday, so I am sure it won't be long before it really comes out. Why is hair such a big deal to us? I know it will fall out, and I know it will grow back. But it is such an emotional part of cancer. It is harder for me to accept the hair loss then it was for me to accept the mastectomy. Why do women define their beauty by things like hair? Hair is really a pain in the ass. Does anyone out there have time to actually do their hair? Does it EVER turn out like the stylist does it? What about body hair? Now that is a pain in the ass! I hope to god I don't have to shave my legs, armpits, bikini line, etc during this whole process! And I hope I don't have to tweeze my fucking chin!! For those of you that don't know, my family are hairy people! I would blame the portuguese, but I get the chin shit from Mom's side. I will blame the portuguese for everything else. Like the hairy toes! We shall see what the hair loss will bring. I am kind of intrigued.